Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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