I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
