so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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