I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
