stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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