did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
