So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
