Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He kissed a someone with a penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
