yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
