I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
