Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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