We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
