1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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