I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
