the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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