My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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