I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
