It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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