my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
