rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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