Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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