Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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