counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
