My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
