Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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