and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
