All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
