i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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