this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize