I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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