loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also, beer. Big fan.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize