Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
