The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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