My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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