Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
