There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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