from now on my penis is your penis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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