Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
