So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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