Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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