Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
