my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
