dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When did we convert life to cartoon?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
