so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
