i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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