Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
