Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
