Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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