He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
