2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just tell him i said nine months
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
