I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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