Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
