so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
