I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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