I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we're so committed to being not committed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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