Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All the doctor said was why
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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