clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
