Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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