Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
