When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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