Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
