Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
