So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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