Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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