how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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