Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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