Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize