New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
