I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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