I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
