i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
