I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
